Last week I had 7 people telling me to be kind to myself. All people who know me well and presumably care about me. After the first I thought “I’m fine! What is she talking about?!” but as I kept hearing it I started to think… am I taking enough time to actually enjoy this opportunity? It is so easy to get caught up and become what you are doing – when I first started my career I spent too much time at the office, when I first got married I tried too hard to be the perfect wife and when I became a mother I forgot myself and became only about my girls. And while I loved each of these times in my life, I also often felt like I’d lost myself, but only as I get older (and greyer but unfortunately not much wiser!) I’ve understood how important it is to take the time to find myself. This doesn’t necessarily mean doing what I want to do all day every day (even just one day would be really nice!!), but it does mean taking time (even just the seconds taking sips of coffee while it is still warm) to remember who I am, why I am doing what I am doing and why I truly am so #blessed.

But when you have left your comfortable home and life as you know it and come to Israel for such a specific purpose in such a condensed timeframe it is clear what is expected of me in guiding Milla through this journey. So how can I possibly make these two distinct needs coexist in this extremely busy period? My number one priority is obviously that Milla is getting absolutely everything she needs – emotionally, intellectually and physically.

Over the last 3 weeks, the more removed I got from ‘me’ the more I realised how much I needed to find myself again. And this was only possible through self-kindness and self-respect. Cue our wonderful babysitter Emma. A gorgeous American girl wise beyond her years, who understands how important it is that parents of kids (particularly those with additional needs) have a little bit of backup. So with Emma’s help, my aunt’s incredible support and the constant checking in from my peeps back home I managed to find a way back to being a semblance of ‘me’.

• In Melbourne I prioritised my health – taking time to eat well and exercise regularly. However, here I was eating way too much of the wrong foods (Israel is not only the land of Milk and Honey but also of sugar – the Israelis eat like nowhere I’ve ever seen! It’s apparently a crime to order a coffee without sugar!) and my brain and body were not performing at their optimum level. I was tired, irritable and overwhelmed. Unfortunately cake and chocolate felt kind at the time but was not truthfully being kind to myself. This week I have taken the time to eat more of the foods that make me feel better longer term and to appreciate them while I am eating them, consciously being happy with my decision for choosing them over the alternative.
• I have also started working with a trainer! Elissa’s job is to scream at me, not take any excuses and ensure that I cannot walk for the next 5 days. Added bonus is she also makes me laugh. That hour to myself where I hate every second but actually really love it is AMAZING! Hopefully she will not only whip me into shape for our poolside holiday in 6 weeks but also help me expel some of the negative energy pulsating through my body, swapping it for some happy hormones.
• I finally got to see a movie! Seeing A Star is Born with a girlfriend was just what the doctor ordered. Now I’m already planning my next one! I know… out of control!
• Also, mumma got her hair did. A regular appointment I take for granted at home, finding a hairdresser and sitting for a couple of hours was a break for me and I felt like a new and improved version of myself at the end of the appointment. Then I got my nails done… finally there was some semblance to my life back at home. Though this afternoon of pampering to some might appear indulgent and unnecessary, to me it was enough that when I came home I was reenergised and could continue to give Milla the attention she needs. Yes I am superficial and selfish but I needed something that was really only just for me.

While I know that these pamper sessions can’t happen each week, they shouldn’t be necessary. A bit of kindness injected into every hour/day/second day should be enough to keep me balanced… and when I’m feeling a little bit off I know I have wonderful supports both here and at home to keep me standing. Sending big love and thanks to those who keep me going – I love you guys.

J x